Lately, I've just felt no desire to read the Bible or spend time with God. I'm struggling with what it means for me to be a Christian. I find it difficult to be real and honest at a Christian school. I often feel like people wear a mask and hide who they really are. Everyone appears to be the same: a perfect Christian who reads their Bible everyday and has everything together with no problems. And because it is a Christian school with high standards and harsh punishments, people tend to hide sin and do things in secret while still outwardly appearing to be righteous. It just makes it hard to trust and understand people and it makes me scared that I'm the same way.
I'm just wondering if a Christian school really makes sense. Jesus' best friends were his disciples, but he didn't spend all his time solely with other believers. He made friends with the beggars and prostitutes and tax collectors. I understand the importance and need for fellowship with other believers, but I sometimes feel like Liberty is just a big bubble of the same kind of people, or at least people who all act the same. I wonder if it would be different if I went to a secular school where people could be who they really are and not hide behind a pretense. And then, Christians would be tested in their values and could stand firm and stand out for Christ a part from the world.
I'm not trying to be judgmental at all, just reflecting... and I started this post out by saying I haven't had the desire to spend time with God, I don't know how much worse you can get than that. I want to live my life for God's glory, but I want to be real and not hide all my struggles or pretend they don't exist.
Just please pray for me, that God will give me a hunger and a thirst for Him... and that I will fill it with Him.
Thanks, Cameron
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
A New Day
Well, a best friend told me I needed to write, so I will. First, I just want to say thank you to that friend... you're amazing and encouraging and you've made such an impact on me and I'm truly so grateful for you.
So, I guess I should write about the biggest thing that has happened in my life recently, but I don't feel like talking about it much anymore, so I'll be brief... I was in a car accident on the interstate coming home for Thanksgiving break this past Friday. An 18-wheeler started smoking and came to a sudden stop. I was two cars behind it and couldn't stop in time to avoid colliding with the car in front of me. My airbag deployed and it burned and bruised my wrists. They thought it fractured my wrist, but it feels better now so I don't think I'm going to get the MRI. I cut my foot and was sore for a few days, but other than those minor injuries, I'm lucky to be alive. My car is pretty much totaled and I was pretty shaken up after the wreck so it took me a while to calm down. But I went to my car to get my license and there was a piece of paper randomly on my seat. I picked it up and flipped it over and saw that it was a card with Scripture on it that my mom had sent me a few weeks back. The card was Psalm 137:8 and it read: "Though I walk through the midst of trouble, you preserve my life."
When I read that card, I just felt like God decided to give me life on Friday. He could have taken it, but for some reason, He wasn't ready for that yet. And so, I know that since He isn't ready for me yet, He still has plans for me here. I already owed God my life, so now I double owe Him. I'm ready and willing for whatever He has in store for me. I'm grateful for each day and grateful that I know the love of Christ. I just desire to be a good steward of the gift I've received and be pleasing in the sight of the Lord.
I like how each new trial I face just puts things in perspective. It's like each thing that happens reminds me that God is in control and I can't help but trust in Him... I am helpless to guide myself and I don't even want to try. I'm thankful for so much this Thanksgiving and I know God is good and faithful to complete the work that He begins.
So, I guess I should write about the biggest thing that has happened in my life recently, but I don't feel like talking about it much anymore, so I'll be brief... I was in a car accident on the interstate coming home for Thanksgiving break this past Friday. An 18-wheeler started smoking and came to a sudden stop. I was two cars behind it and couldn't stop in time to avoid colliding with the car in front of me. My airbag deployed and it burned and bruised my wrists. They thought it fractured my wrist, but it feels better now so I don't think I'm going to get the MRI. I cut my foot and was sore for a few days, but other than those minor injuries, I'm lucky to be alive. My car is pretty much totaled and I was pretty shaken up after the wreck so it took me a while to calm down. But I went to my car to get my license and there was a piece of paper randomly on my seat. I picked it up and flipped it over and saw that it was a card with Scripture on it that my mom had sent me a few weeks back. The card was Psalm 137:8 and it read: "Though I walk through the midst of trouble, you preserve my life."
When I read that card, I just felt like God decided to give me life on Friday. He could have taken it, but for some reason, He wasn't ready for that yet. And so, I know that since He isn't ready for me yet, He still has plans for me here. I already owed God my life, so now I double owe Him. I'm ready and willing for whatever He has in store for me. I'm grateful for each day and grateful that I know the love of Christ. I just desire to be a good steward of the gift I've received and be pleasing in the sight of the Lord.
I like how each new trial I face just puts things in perspective. It's like each thing that happens reminds me that God is in control and I can't help but trust in Him... I am helpless to guide myself and I don't even want to try. I'm thankful for so much this Thanksgiving and I know God is good and faithful to complete the work that He begins.
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